Naughty Minds
No matter how hard I try, I have a filthy mind. In fact, a group of high school kids figured it out. They'd tell naughty jokes and speak in double entendres just to see what I'd do. Usually, I'd choke back a snicker and reply, "That's not school appropriate!" Chortle, chortle.
My brain works against me, too. Whenever I misread or misunderstand, my brain automatically slips dirty words into song lyrics and books. For example:
Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping,
and I brought some corn for popping...
Turned into:
Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping,
and I brought some porn for copping.... (A feel?)
I accidentally did that into a microphone at our elementary school's Christmas sing-along. It was a good thing many of them were dyslexic because no one noticed.
So, yesterday I watched the Conan: The Musical video and got a pretty bad case of the giggles. Shortly after, my husband and I read bedtime stories to our song. My little boy chose a Little Einstein book about things Violet sees outside in the snow.
My boy wanted Mommy to read. Bad choice. What it was supposed to say was:
What does Violet see?
She sees her boot prints in the snow.
What Mommy said was:
What does Violet see?
She sees her boob prints in the snow.
I was already a little hysterical from "Da lamentations of da women..." I burst into a fit of snorting giggles and passed the book to my husband. "You read, I can't!" I choked out.
He read the next line.
They were deep and hollow.
More snorting, then a cackle.
The next line:
Then Violet took a picture.
That particular mental image sent me careening off my son's bed with gales of laughter. Thank you, Conan, for ruining any chance I could ever read that book again without sniggering.
UPDATE: Apparently I'm not the only one.
My second graders were practicing their Lewis and Clark-themed Christmas play last Thursday. The boy playing York was supposed to say, "Look! Native people!"
What came out was, "Look! Naked people!"
You do me proud, kid.
My brain works against me, too. Whenever I misread or misunderstand, my brain automatically slips dirty words into song lyrics and books. For example:
Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping,
and I brought some corn for popping...
Turned into:
Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping,
and I brought some porn for copping.... (A feel?)
I accidentally did that into a microphone at our elementary school's Christmas sing-along. It was a good thing many of them were dyslexic because no one noticed.
So, yesterday I watched the Conan: The Musical video and got a pretty bad case of the giggles. Shortly after, my husband and I read bedtime stories to our song. My little boy chose a Little Einstein book about things Violet sees outside in the snow.
My boy wanted Mommy to read. Bad choice. What it was supposed to say was:
What does Violet see?
She sees her boot prints in the snow.
What Mommy said was:
What does Violet see?
She sees her boob prints in the snow.
I was already a little hysterical from "Da lamentations of da women..." I burst into a fit of snorting giggles and passed the book to my husband. "You read, I can't!" I choked out.
He read the next line.
They were deep and hollow.
More snorting, then a cackle.
The next line:
Then Violet took a picture.
That particular mental image sent me careening off my son's bed with gales of laughter. Thank you, Conan, for ruining any chance I could ever read that book again without sniggering.
UPDATE: Apparently I'm not the only one.
My second graders were practicing their Lewis and Clark-themed Christmas play last Thursday. The boy playing York was supposed to say, "Look! Native people!"
What came out was, "Look! Naked people!"
You do me proud, kid.
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