Those Who Want to be Broken

I'm a singer.  Most of the time stage fright is not a problem.  As a pianist, not so much.  I can have mini mental breakdowns in between the Gloria and the Sanctus when I'm playing organ at church.  As a writer I deal with my own fear of not being good enough on a daily basis.  As a music teacher, I teach my students how to deal with their fear from a very young age.  I've had to develop numerous techniques to battle anxiety because all but one of my private voice students are nearly crippled by it.
Image by cobrasoft at stock.xchng

Though music is my game, fear is my specialty in a lot of ways.  I realized the other day that I've noticed a trend.

There are those who conquer their fears and feel amazing for having done so.  There are those who still feel it, but trudge on anyway.  There are those who quit because conquering fear is more difficult than living with it.  Finally, there are those who deliberately sabotage any effort at improving one's physical or mental health because, quite frankly, they get more satisfaction from being ill.

I've seen those who deliberately sabotage personal progress in my professional and personal life.  They get more emotional needs filled from being mentally ill than they do from being well.  When one is ill the others in their lives get to take the consequences.

Julia Cameron calls people who thrive on drama and manipulation "crazy makers."  I'm certain we all know a crazy maker, like the folks that post cryptic status updates on Facebook, then refuse to talk about it.  Drama is about attention.  Adolescents aren't subtle about it, but one person in my life so subtle as to be Machiavellian, having manipulated everyone in her life to hum along to her pity ditty.

What are your experiences with crazy makers or self-saboteurs?


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