Shortly after posting about my need for a developmental editor, I discovered what developmental editing would cost. After I changed my underwear and removed the proverbial brick, I glided into a spiral of despair that went something like this:
1. I don't have $4,000.
2. I won't have it in the foreseeable future.
3. My book won't get edited on the completely arbitrary deadlines I've set for myself.
4. I suck.
5. If I suck, my book sucks.
6. Sucky books are hard to market, unless one has committed the crime of the century, has a huge fan base for reasons unrelated to writing, or knows the power of the carefully applied horizontal mambo.
7. Sucky books are useless to edit.
8. Therefore, I'm useless.
I spent a few days moping and absorbing the fact that all of my carefully laid plans were completely thrown off course. I prayed a lot, asking if it was something I was supposed to do, even if it leads to things not even related to publishing, which is what I really, really want. I was reminded that wanting something that badly is not a guarantee of success, thanks to this post from Nathan Bransford. His blog entry made me feel pretty shitty, though it was no fault of his. It just sucked the wind out of my sails rather abruptly, mostly because I honestly thought I was following his Ten Commandments.
I don't like making mistakes. I hate feeling foolish even more, which is why I was so upset. I feel like I'm back on track, and actually made some very good edits last night. With any luck, I'll learn how to switch from the, "SUCK!" setting to the, "AWESOME!" one.