Cowgirl Contemporary Fantasy

No matter how hard I try, I have a filthy mind.  In fact, a group of high school kids figured it out.  They'd tell naughty jokes and speak in double entendres just to see what I'd do.  Usually, I'd choke back a snicker and reply, "That's not school appropriate!"   Chortle, chortle. My brain works against me, too.  Whenever I misread or misunderstand, my brain automatically slips dirty words into song lyrics and books.  For example: Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping, and I brought some corn for popping... Turned into: Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping, and I brought some porn for copping.... (A feel?) I accidentally did that into a microphone at our elementary school's Christmas sing-along.  It was a good thing many of them were dyslexic because no one noticed. So, yesterday I watched the  Conan: The Musical  video and got a pretty bad case of the giggles.  Shortly after, my husband and I read bedtime stories to ...

I came across this YouTube video.  It elicited the rare chortle/cackle/snort that annoys anyone within a 10-mile radius. After viewing the video, my husband mentioned that he'd never seen it, though I'd watched it a lot as a kid. We pulled it up on Netflix, and I soon came to two conclusions. First, I shouldn't have watched it as a kid. I suspect a few of the scenes were censored by my brother.  The servile, naked women made me want to gag, though that hadn't bothered me when I was younger.  Second, I hadn't realized how old school the filmography had been.  It felt more like a movie from the 50's or 60's. I'll be interested to see how the new movie turns out.

We've all had it happen before.  You're watching a movie, a TV show, or reading a book, and you see something very, very wrong.  A non-flammable chemical explodes.  A doctor uses a goofy term.  Arnold Schwarzenegger fires nineteen rounds from a five-round shotgun without reloading. Everyone's always telling us to write what we know, but the truth is that writers often have write what they don't know.  Getting the details right creates a sense of realism, but slugging through the mounds of research that doesn't apply can be time consuming. I'm putting together a section of my blog aimed specifically at helping authors cut to the chase, get the information they need, and get it right.  Maybe you know guns.  Maybe you're a master chef.  Perhaps you tinker with software programming.  Let's pool our resources to make it easier for authors everywhere. Guidelines: Focus on helping others understand the system behind the details. Show ways th...

Most self-pubbed authors realize that platform is important and therefore establish a presence on Facebook, Twitter, and their own website.  Though I want to be a published author myself, I'm writing this post from the perspective of a book blogger.  I often visit authors' websites to gather information to include in my reviews, and I'm starting so see problems in their websites that make my job much harder. Do: Have clear contact information on your website. Have a clean, uncluttered appearance. Have good graphics.  Our culture is moving more and more toward the visual sense.  Consequently, my toddler can operate an iPad with a considerable degree of skill. Use professional and ethical language.  It's nearly impossible to rebuild burned bridges.   Include a professional headshot, not a cutsie pose in front of your webcam. Invest in decent cover art. Spend time writing a good pitch line.  You're pitching directly to the public, but the rules a...

Most teens would find Grace's dilemma enviable.  She's got a smokin' band geek and a sexy rebel without a cause hot on her tail.  Too bad she can't enjoy it.  Attempts on her life, random fainting spells, and the furtive skulking of those she trusts have a way of putting a damper on things. Grace Awakening  is Shawn Bird's first book, published by Lintusen Press in July of 2011.  She has scheduled the next book in the series, Awakening Power , for release in November.  Bird's book is the first for the new publisher.  *** I have to say that Grace Awakening  has been the best self-pubbed title I've reviewed.  The others I reviewed were in such poor shape that I returned them to the authors with comments.  Enough of the good showed through the problems to make it a fairly easy read.  Several romantic scenes were compelling.  It was quite refreshing to read something without major sentence structure issues.  The prose was ...

Internet Trolls Beware:  If you see yourself in the people in the sketch, perhaps you can see why people hate you.  Side Note:  This made me laugh.  Hard. Saturday Night Live - Internet Comments Talk Show - Video - http://www.nbc.com

My latest review for The Portal is up:   Clarkesworld , July through September .  It includes comments on a great dystopian steampunk story.  Never thought those two words would go together.